I just finished reading Bartending: Memoirs of an Apple Genius, which is effectively everything promised in the title. It's a very brief read, and I'd encourage anyone interested in the day-to-day of life as an Apple Genius to check it out.

Or, alternatively, I could tell you about Apple life.

Now, I was also behind the Bar for some of the same time that Stephen Hackett was--as a GYO tech specialist to handle the influx of new iPhone customers--and also out on the floor as a sales rep at the launch of the original iPhone, and the launch of OS X Leopard. A lot of the stories are brief sketches that ring hilariously true to me--like how most Geniuses get accidentally exposed to rather a lot of customer porn--but this format feels more like the stories pretty much all of us Ungenuised folks can tell at the bar (the one with booze). They're context free vignettes, for the most part, and while that's entertaining, it's not particularly unique to Apple or retail in general.

My own Apple story isn't especially interesting--though I do have the added filter of being referred to as Hawaii's only "Girl Genius" at the time--but I feel like the book skips a few of the things that happen to you when you join Apple.

The first thing that happens is immersion in the Apple community. Apple's training program for new employees is very, very good, and in addition to giving you some pretty incredible Jedi Mind Tricks for working with customers, it ratchets up your enthusiasm for Apple to dizzying levels. I went from a pretty standard Mac geek to a Kool-aid drinking Apple evangelist. At that time, nearly everyone at my store was the same way, as were quite a few of our customers. I knew members of the local MUG; I spent the majority of my days demoing cool features, talking about Apple products, speaking with people who really believed their computers and phones and iPods had changed their life for the better. It's kind of an incredible community of people to belong to. The book really bypasses that process, and combined with a lot of the negative stories in the book, it reads a bit as bitterness.

Not that it was all puppies and sunshine at Apple--I did quit after just six months, during the holiday season (albeit for fewer hours, better pay, and a tuition waiver for grad school)--and everything the book lays out is true: customers, sometimes, can be really obnoxious. I had a woman start screaming at me on the floor (involving two managers) because I asked her if she was going to get Applecare for her laptop. A man once dumped an entire bubble tea onto a peripherals display when I informed him his jailbroken, unlocked iPhone clearly running on T-Mobile was not in warranty. Casual racism and sexism from customers was pretty much par for the course. And, of course, out in the Red Zone (main sales floor), pretty much every day we'd have at least a few customers try to buy somewhere north of 20 iPhones in cash for resale overseas (in Honolulu, we had a large international tourist community), and who would ask to write down serial and IMEI numbers so they could check their viability with their funders. One of whom, after hearing me say "no," proceeded to berate me in Tagalog and follow up with "You are bad at your job, bad woman, bad person." I had a guy try to use a stolen credit card (passed off as "my girlfriend's") to purchase about $10 grand in laptops (three tricked out 17" MacBook Pros).

So, you know, it was retail, not magic. Some things are just true any time you work with The Public--the hours suck, the attitudes suck, the benefits suck, and quite often all you can do is stand there and deal with someone else's temper tantrum. I know very few people equipped to work retail long term, as a full-on career choice, and coming to that realization--breaking up with Apple, as the book puts it--is a more compelling story than just reciting the funny, the heartwarming, and the frustrating anecdotes.

The other core thing I think the book is missing is some necessary table-setting. Apple stores have their own lingo and ops, and while much of that's under NDA (which many of us treated as if Steve Jobs was going to come and burn our house down if we violated it), other things work to set the scene and fill in some background. At my store, the back of house was always pretty bumping. With folks on their lunch breaks or 15 minutes, Geniuses, the Biz team, one or two MODs, the inventory guys, and team members constantly clocking in or out, it would have been great to get a sense of that flow. It also serves to highlight, a bit, some of the reasons behind what Apple does in the retail space, and why it works.

So, it's an entertaining read, but not necessarily insightful--you won't find out any deep secrets of the Genius Bar, or how to get your computer replaced out of warranty, or learn anything particularly unique about Apple's retail operations. You'll get some fun stories about one guy's job.

I suppose I'm pretty committed to my iPad 2 for another 11 months or so; but every single time I see that Retina display I get serious tech-envy. Stupid cross-country move and need to have a stockpile of cash on hand...

So, why is this amazing?

I think I might answer this incorrectly a lot of the time. When I get it, I talk about apps I love. I talk about things I do. I frame it in terms of why I find this amazing, and it’s not actually addressing the real issue.

When I got my iPad on day one of the initial launch (10th in line!), I brought it home, turned it on, and…kind of just hung out with it. I bought a 64Gb wifi model, thinking I’d do all kinds of things with it–watch lots of movies! Draw! Listen to music all the time!

None of these things really came to pass the way I envisioned them. I do some of them to various extents, but the apps available for the iPad have redirected my use in ways I couldn’t see at the time I bought my first iPad. The apps are great, but they’re not the answer to the question.

What makes the iPad amazing–at least as far as I can tell–is that it so stubbornly resists pigeonholing as “a device that does X.” I suspect that the main reason so many people struggle in the first few days to understand what it does is that it doesn’t really do anything inherently. It’s effectively a tabula rasa of technology–as limitless and intimidating as the blank page in front of the writer, the empty canvas in front of an artist. The difference, of course, is that this blank page cost $500+ and there’s a lot of anxiety from the beginning that maybe that money should have been spent on Apple stock instead.

So what’s one to do, with this thing that’s cool and all, but not really selling itself as a life-changing device right out of the box? Ultimately, I think the answer is “use it and find out what happens.” Every Apple product I’ve had makes a persuasive case for itself over time–sometimes more slowly than others, but eventually, the moment arrives when suddenly, this thing is indispensible.

My moment, when I first got my iPad, came about two or three weeks after I’d bought it. It’s pretty innocuous–I’d caught a cold and stayed home sick from work. The iPad was my companion for the day, and I spent much of the day napping, reading, checking my work email for some variety of emergency (even though I don’t do anything so important that it can’t wait six hours), and watching embarrassing amounts of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Netflix streaming. Sure, I could have done all of that with my laptop, but not comfortably, and not without setting up my laptop somewhere to charge. Is it a minor situation? Yeah, certainly, and it’s a little weird to have an epiphany in the middle of a NyQuil-induced haze (or, maybe not–I’ve had some weird, weird dreams doped up on the green stuff), but that’s when I realized that this thing was legitimately amazing.

I use my iPad to meet a lot of my needs–a small, easy to whip out and turn on writing machine; my primary method of reading news and books; a small screen to watch TV shows only I want to watch in our household, or clips from last night’s Daily Show on my morning commute. It’s nothing like how any of my other friends use theirs–some of them are actual artists and musicians who use their iPads for those purposes, and some of them use it for just reading and spending time on Facebook. The tasks themselves don’t have any worth, it’s the ease and ubiquity and amorphous nature of the device that make it amazing.

My Month without RSS Feeds

Aside from my resolution to stop chewing my nails, my overall goal for 2012 is largely to simplify and declutter much of my life; specifically, the digital parts of my routine. Today I’m performing a bit of an expiriment in that vein, by ceasing to use my RSS reader to monitor 100+ feeds.

Why Ditch RSS?

My complaints about RSS are pretty much the same complaints everyone has–it feels like a to-do list, it creates a self-selected echo chamber, and it probably doesn’t make me all that much more informed. Instead, it creates a task I have to complete at the beginning and end of my day–clear my feeds out, process my news articles in such a way that I ensure I don’t miss anything, and prioritize information according to the volume of the feed/category. Heavy news cycles–especially CES and Macworld (I mainly read tech news)–are actively stressful, and if I allow my news feeds to languish for a few days because I’m a) traveling, b) working, or c) spending time with my loved ones, well, that’s just a disaster.

My RSS client of choice, Reeder, is pretty much the most efficient and powerful RSS reader I’ve used; it allows me to manage my feeds reasonably easily, skim headlines, and send everything I want to read over to Instapaper for later attention. At the same time, though, it’s designed to help users manage their own self-inflicted information problem, and it does so very well…but I’ve decided to address the problem at its root.

The Information DTs

Of course, going “all dark” on news is a bit too much for me to handle without suffering some serious withdrawal, so I’ve decided that maybe I just need to change the ecosystem. As a result, I’m switching most of my news sources to Twitter for use in Flipboard. Same volume, but with a more engaging interface, social components, and no more “you must read this NOW or be punished with 750 unread articles.” More importantly, Flipboard and Twitter just lend themselves so well to serendipitous reading in a way that blogs rarely do–it’s why Twitter is largely my social network of choice.

Mainly, though, I think this approach will wean me off needing to read or be peripherally aware of hundreds of headlines a day, and switch me over to reading the news, when I want to read it, without a lot of task management. And really, that’s all I want.

Next Up: Facebook

I would really like to pull off Facebook in 2012. I’m tired of the privacy hoops, for one, and I suspect that will only get worse now that Facebook is going public. Moreover, the signal-to-noise ratio for my facebook, at least, is pretty low…but it’s still an entertainment source for me.

The problem, of course, is that everyone is on Facebook. A lesser but significant issue for me, too, is how many of my accounts are tied to my Facebook profile–everything from Pinterest to Words With Friends hooks into my Facebook profile. That said…I keep getting the nagging sensation that I should be spending less time sifting through Facebook updates and more time on being an actually good friend. I’m still figuring out how to extricate myself from the monster’s grip, but I plan to get there.

I Recommitted to Taking Care of My Body

This encompasses three things, really. I lost a ton of weight--dropped from a size 12 to a size 6--which was my initial New Years resolution. The activities that got me there were initially secondary considerations; the objective was just to get skinny again.

Then something happened around the 4 month mark--I started to like running (after the 3 mile marker, that is--I still hate mile 2). I joined an absolutely fantastic yoga studio. I remembered that I actually enjoy cooking, and I'm pretty good at it, and 90% of my cooking is vegetarian anyways. Mainly, I just started to remember what it was like to live in my own body again--the one that was in shape and healthy, not struggling with a lot of garbage and negativity.

2011 Song Associated with This Thing that Didn't Suck: The Go! Team, "The Running Range" -- I can run up mountains to this song, and it makes up about 1/3 of my total running playlist.

Another Year in San Diego

This was really the year that East Village came into its own as a neighborhood, I think--there's definitely been a change in the vibe in the community, and the long-promised local businesses finally began cropping up outside the immediate vicinity of the ballpark. New clothing stores moved in, Monkey Paw opened up a couple blocks from my house, Knotty Barrel has proven to be a solid and mellow alternative to the now seriously overpacked beer bars, and I've seen a few new fitness studios move in, as well.

More importantly, though, I just love seeing this town. I love running through Seaport Village and seeing sailboats and aircraft carriers, I love seeing the skyline from the airport harbor, I love running through Balboa Park (basically, I have some amazing running routes).

2011 Song Associated with This Thing that Didn't Suck: M83, "Midnight City" -- The city is my church is pretty much exactly how I feel every time I get a glimpse of the skyline lighting up around dusk, or look out at blue sky meeting blue ocean just beyond the cozy beach neighborhoods.

5 Years Without a Murder Suicide

Yeah, I'm not sure how we managed it either. We marked the occasion with new anniversary wedding bands (now with 100% less warping!), a trip to San Francisco, some fancy scotch, and 6 months living together in the same house (which is a record for us, I think).

2011 Song Associated with This Thing that Didn't Suck: St. Vincent, "Northern Lights" -- There's no particular lyrical significance to this, but it's rare for the two of us to like the same music. When Wes came back, we started listening to albums straight through together; this is the first album I chose for listening, and the first song where Wes popped his head up to say "hey, this is really pretty good. I like it."

Laser Eyeballs

One of those things I've always been defined by is my crappy vision. I lost my eyesight in a hurry (like, over a weekend) when I was about 8, and from that point I embarked on a life of spending crap-tons of money on eyeglasses, contact lenses, and Excedrin to manage my near constant eyestrain headaches.

So, I had PRK done earlier this year. It's basically the best decision I ever made; I still occasionally stop, look around at the texture of my environment, and appreciate that I can see it unassisted. It also gave me a week to recover from a very difficult summer, and hang out with my mom again.

As a byproduct, I also got a lot more serious about personal financial management--this is the first time I've ever really saved and budgeted towards a specific thing.

2011 Song Associated with This Thing that Didn't Suck: Wild Flag, "Electric Band" -- This album was officially released the day after my surgery; I spent a fair amount of time lying on the bed/couch with my eyes closed and my headphones in, listening to this on repeat and wishing it was Sleater-Kinney.

Waterfield Designs

I bought my husband a Smart Case for his iPad for Christmas. Turned out, the color I requested was temporarily out of stock, no big deal, really. What impressed me was that I received a personal email from a fellow named Chris explaining the delay (which was minor), and a second personal email from Gary notifying me that my order shipped, and thanks for my business. I think the sheer volume of internet customers has made dehumanization part and parcel of the baseline customer service experience, so buying something from a company that addresses me as more than a database record is straight up pleasant. Oh, and how's the case working out? My husband loves it.

Is it a small thing? Yes, and maybe most people don't notice it. But I do most of my shopping online, and I do notice every time I get an email that doesn't begin with "Dear CUSTOMER NAME, your INVOICE 4857298 order has shipped." That personal email means I'll remember the names of the team members who work at Waterfield, I'll remember my experience was great, and I'll remember them the next time someone asks me what case or bag they should buy for their iPad/Kindle/laptop.

I am a total sucker for bag articles (also, buying bags). Part of this is easy to explain--I'm a bag geek, basically--but really, I have a fascination with the intimacy of our day to day objects, and what other people find to be of worth. Hence, my love for Rands in Repose's "Bag of Holding" article, as well as my ongoing obsession with The Setup. It's a bit of insight into what people whom I admire value. Also, I've found a lot of awesome stuff and software by reading all those blogs.

In the interest of, you know, finishing this post, I'm going to focus pretty much exclusively on my mobile setup. I have an idea for a "Cool Thing I'm Using Now" regular/intermittent feature, but not today.

So, What Do I Value?

I need my setup to do three things: be lightweight, be productive, and be stylish. I feel like most of these are self-explanatory: I don't like to feel like a pack mule, I do like to get things done in a hurry literally the instant it needs doing, and I'd rather not look like a complete dweeb while doing all of it. My gender complicates the issue a bit, mainly because while there are probably millions of gear bags which are appropriate for a man to wear, there are relatively few gear bags designed for women, and even fewer which appeal to my personal sense of style--guess what, I'm a grown woman! Pink canvas does not equal "for women" in my estimation.

To be fair, I have a couple very nice utility bags from Tom Bihn--the Swift and the Ristretto--which I absolutely adore, and I'd heartily recommend them to anyone who needs a basic bag. However, they fall short in the appearances department, and as a result I needed to switch bags recently.

What I'm Toting

I recently bought a Fossil Vintage Tote that more or less meets my needs for a Big Girl's Geek Bag--it's fashionable, but functional, and versatile enough to actually go everywhere. Inside, amidst my various "girl things" like knitting projects, 2+ meals, a small beauty kit I never use, a larger post-workout kit I always use, and the weird detritus that seems to collect in the bottom of every bag I've ever owned, no matter how small or large, I can discreetly pack in my hardware.

For the last...oh, twenty months or so, I've carried an iPad to the complete exclusion of my old Macbook Air (recently shipped to my mother as a gift). Why? iPad fans will totally understand me, but probably no one else--

Being totally free of the charger.

"Work anywhere" from a laptop is almost true, so long as you're close enough to a wall outlet to plug in after about three hours. Forget your charger? Well, then you can practice the shamanistic rituals of brightness control, application monitoring, and finally, working in life-support mode as you kill everything to just eke a few more minutes out to finish a paper (as you might guess, I used a laptop a lot in college). With my iPad, I can boldly sit in the middle of a convention hall, confident I'll be able to take notes for a day. I can curl up on my couch without contortion to reach the outlet; I can, literally, work anywhere.

That all said, I did need to make a few concessions to get more out of my iPad. I recently bought a Luvvitt keyboard--less expensive and better designed than the Zaggitech keyboard case, the Luvvitt has been a godsend (I'm using it now). I do the majority of my writing in Markdown, including my formatting, or straight HTML. If you're on an iOS device, try to create an inline link--you know:

<a href="">linky</a>.

Just see how fun it is. For the longest time, I thought I was too lazy to write too much; turns out, the iPad on screen keyboard was just my blocker. At last, my words flow free like a river of perspicacity!

I also just received my Studio Neat's Cosmonaut stylus, and while I haven't spent much more than 10 minutes working with it, I've been pretty pleased with the results. I'm less an artist, and more of a compulsive scrawler, so I mostly just want my iPad handy to scribble down a quick list or create a quick and pretty crappy diagram. I'll put it through its paces in the next couple weeks, and I'll see how it goes.

Finally, I tote around a couple other accessories--I keep a couple USB cables for random emergencies, my Mifi is pretty much attached to my palm, and naturally I have my iPhone and earbuds rattling around inside.

How Well It's All Working For Me

Lightweight? Check (well, lightweight before I load up my bag for the day). Functional? Check. Stylish? Big check. This is, for all intents and purposes, my dream gadget setup, and basically endlessly versatile.

I do have a couple minor complaints--the bag itself is a bit free-form on the interior, especially compared to the clever O-ring organizer bags of Tom Bihn's system. I installed a Purseket (yes, really, "as seen on Oprah"), but I'm thinking I might install some D-rings in the seams of the purse and re-attach all my pouches. This could also be a disaster, which is why I haven't done so yet, but I do miss the seamless organization I had with my Bihns.

Concluding Thought

I'm constantly amazed by how much my "essential gear" has physically shrunk over the years. From toting a 15" MBP in grad school, to a 13" Air as a freelancer, and now all the way down to the iPad is pretty amazing, especially as thumb drives, external hard drives, etc. have all evaporated with the hardware.

In 2011, I got in shape deliberately for the first time in my life. It was the hardest thing I have ever done; through restricting my diet, going to yoga, and running, I lost about 30 lbs and am physically and emotionally so much better off than I was this time last year. I'm five weeks away from my first half-marathon race.

So, in 2012 it's time to up the stakes, and kick my most persistent bad habit. I bite my nails compulsively, and have pretty much since infancy, according to my mom. I bite them to the quick and beyond. My cuticles are pretty much always a bloody, raw, mess. My pinkie nail beds are permanently scarred; my middle finger has a mound of scar tissue which forces the nail to grow crooked. All of my nails are as thin and delicate as onion skins, and the only thing I could ever do is cover them with acrylics. I have tried all the tricks to quit--rubber bands, pepper oils, lemon juice--and they've never worked before. Years ago, I came to believe I just didn't have the willpower to stop.

Kicking this will be the hardest thing I have ever done, and it's my new goal for the year.

• I saw hundreds of applications for entry-level positions from people with MBAs, JDs, and even some PhDs. If you think having that Masters in literature is any sort of competitive advantage, think again. It's a bullet point and, in specific fields (my own among them), a glorified union membership; it's not a birthright, and don't ever expect it's better than anyone else's in the field by itself.


• The second I see even an innocuous grammatical mistake in your résumé or cover letter, I'm gone. I'm not even talking about major issues, like there/they're/their, but fairly obscure rules like the appropriateness of that versus which (also, this may be political of me, but if you're applying for a job that requires even a modest amount of writing, use the Oxford comma). Look, think of it this way. What is the single most important document about you? What is the only one which is completely and totally under your control? So, if you can't get that one document polished to absolute perfection, why would I ever believe you could deliver even very good work for me? No excuses--if you're a poor writer, have someone proofread. If you're the second coming of Ernest Hemingway, HAVE SOMEONE PROOFREAD.


• I toss any résumé that doesn't show me demonstrable skills. I read résumés for exactly two things: what you've accomplished already, and what you can accomplish for me. Personally, I read every line for "the demonstrable skill"--what is the most reductive skill this bullet point demonstrates? Here's an example--one of my new favorite What Not To Do examples is a 3 page résumé that included lines like "Collated documents using staplers." Demonstrable skill=mastery of stapler technology.


• Speaking of that, keep your résumé appropriately short. I almost never read the second page of a résumé (and I have a 2 pager, myself, so I really need to practice what I preach). One of the best résumés I ever saw was about 3/4 of a page, hit a few very strong bullet points, and made it easy to call the candidate. Don't be afraid of brevity.


• I care about your font choice. Look, I am not a natural born graphic designer, and I can't imagine a world in which I would be hiring graphic designers, so take this as pure personal preference. Don't use Arial or TNR; demonstrate that you know how to use header styles and gutters; make sure your layout includes white space; for the love of god, don't use anything labeled as a "novelty" font, or else I will print out your résumé and BURN IT. By the way, if you violate any of those tenets and then include the line "Expert use of MS Word," I will laugh like a hyena and then not call you.


• Don't include the line "Expert user of MS Office." First, most people actually aren't (I write VBA macros for Excel and make the application do some insane tasks, and I STILL wouldn't call myself an expert). Second, it's kind of like saying you've mastered stapler technology; it's one of the default tools of all office work in America, and it shouldn't even bear mentioning.

I have more, but my core tenet is this--100% of your résumé should demonstrate what you have done, and what you will do for an employer. Any line, any word, which doesn't show that you can do what that person wants want should be removed. As for what I want when I read applications, it's simple, and ruthless--I want you to increase revenue and reduce costs, and do so with no drama in my organization.

Of course, when everything is said and done, résumés don't actually matter--people with outstanding credentials don't get called, and getting hired is, frankly, an uphill battle. I like my CV and my cover letter, and many people have told me it's extremely good, but when I was job hunting, I only got two callbacks on it out of maybe 30 applications. But don't make it something that works against you.